One Step Away (A Bedford Falls Novel Book 1) Read online

  That timeline would have put her on par with the mothers chatting nearby. But here she sat, a few years beyond that age and still waiting to find love.

  Marisa wondered if she expected too much from a potential partner. Is that why she watched as relatives, friends, and colleagues managed to find spouses and start families, while her life remained stagnant? Nevertheless, she had always expected to know when she found “The One.”

  She didn’t anticipate a thunderstruck moment to unite them, and she didn’t expect grand gestures that would symbolize eternal bliss. But once she found him, she suspected that a switch would flip in her mind, removing all doubt, allowing her to trust her impulses and spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams.

  An ever-present self-doubting voice told her that she was afraid to hit the switch. After all, she’d fallen in love many times. But she’d never been in love. Most people considered those terms as identical, but Marisa knew the difference. Being in love required the other person in the relationship to love her back. And since most of them men she’d dated preferred to spend the vast majority of their waking hours working, they obviously considered her much less important than their careers.

  Judging by the effortless smiles these mothers exchanged during their conversation, they knew what that experience felt like (diamonds sparkled on the ring fingers of their left hands). But how could they have met their future husbands at such young ages? Better yet, how had those women known that they were destined to spend their lives with the men they married? What factors pointed to a lifetime of happiness? And how come Marisa had never received that same compass to navigate her own romantic relationships?

  Entering a relationship never posed any difficulty. After all, Jaclyn had passed along an endless number of techniques for her daughter to embellish upon her “facial imperfections,” and to aid her in selecting the type of man who could provide her with a secure future: strong in mind, body, and spirit; ambitious; protective; and accomplished.

  Unfortunately, the men Marisa dated lacked either kindness, emotional and/or physical generosity, or an interest in forming a tight bond of friendship. Just as importantly, she couldn’t imagine any of them as fathers—at least, not the kind who would attend his daughter’s school play or watch his son play baseball from the bleachers, who would instruct and correct, encourage and discipline, and above all love and support them no matter the situation.

  Something tapped her right foot and, looking in that direction, she saw a four-year-old boy racing over to retrieve the ball that had hit her ankle. An attractive man Marisa’s age—probably the boy’s father—jogged after the little one with a smile. His eyes met Marisa’s. “Sorry about that, miss.”

  “Oh, no problem,” she said, grinning as the boy grabbed the ball and turned around, only to get scooped up by his father. “Have fun, you two.”

  As they headed in the opposite direction, Marisa thought about the situation she currently faced with Alexander. It dwarfed all of the doomed relationships she’d endured over the past fifteen years. Of course, ever since she had first met him, she’d suspected that he sought more than just friendship.

  Sometimes after she turned away, his gaze lingered just a little too long. Whenever they hugged, he held her just a bit tighter and was always last to break their embrace. Not only that, but whenever she had a bad day, he miraculously appeared, sensing that she needed someone to talk with.

  He never judged her, never tried to solve her problems, and never allowed her to beat herself up. Even if he disagreed with her opinions or decisions, he supported her one hundred percent and never criticized her. She’d never known anyone so compassionate and understanding and thoughtful.

  Few women could claim to have anyone in their life with those prized attributes, and she counted herself incredibly fortunate to have such a loyal and supportive friend. His family instilled those values within him.

  And Marisa loved his family. Of course, she counted his sister as a great friend, someone she could always count on to tell her the cold hard truth, regardless of the circumstances. And while their father’s intense nature sometimes contrasted his sense of humor that only became evident after several beers, their mother…no, Marisa didn’t want to even contemplate the love and compassion that Alexander’s mother lavished upon her children.

  All told, Marisa couldn’t deny that she and Alexander shared a powerful connection, but she’d never felt that spark between them. Whenever she neared Alexander, her heart didn’t race, and she didn’t light up upon seeing him.

  And for those reasons, her feelings never blossomed into something more. Despite that, whenever they saw each other, Marisa felt completely vulnerable and overcame a crippling sense of misgivings in telling him about her severe case of insecurity when it came to trusting others with her deepest thoughts and fears.

  It stemmed from the constant lambasting her mother gave her day in, day out for years: stop breathing; you’re stealing air from someone who matters; don’t look in the mirror; your reflection might crack the glass; every time you eat, my purse gets lighter and you get fatter. For every insult Marisa recalled, hundreds of forgotten offensive terms and phrases fell by the wayside.

  And although she felt tremendous pride in herself for opening up to Alexander, she clung to his friendship like a life preserver because she’d finally found someone she could reveal herself to, someone she could count on, someone she could…be herself with.

  So during the first six months of their friendship, Marisa constantly pressured herself to view Alexander as more than just a friend. But the more she pushed for that outcome, the further away that possibility became, and the more she feared that he’d grow frustrated with her inability to return his affection.

  Marisa admonished herself to such a degree that she began getting migraines for days on end, resulting in insomnia and a slew of physical maladies: the common cold, an ulcer, constipation, and other symptoms. But after Alexander failed to approach her in a romantic sense, she gave it plenty of thought and figured that she’d exaggerated his interest. It allowed her to dial back the guilt-factor.

  Soon afterwards, when she returned to a healthier outlook, Marisa found him too important as a best friend to even consider as anything else.

  Therefore, when Alexander finally confessed his love, Marisa felt a tidal wave of anxiety submerge her in panic. He’d changed the dynamics of the most important relationship in her life, and if she told him she didn’t feel the same way, she feared that he’d turn on her the same way her mother did. And given that she’d never trusted anyone more in her entire life, she didn’t think that she’d be able to recover from such a devastating blow.

  Regardless, she should have known that his feelings hadn’t dissipated. Unlike most of her heterosexual friends who never resisted an opportunity to tell a dirty joke about women, Alexander hadn’t done likewise; he stated that he respected women too much to resort to such idiocy. It showed a sensitivity that many men either didn’t have or didn’t reveal. And if she picked up on his sentiments, she should have known that his feelings wouldn’t disappear.

  To underscore that viewpoint, she once asked what he looked for in a woman, and he responded with what he called the “fantastic four:” attractive, kind, intelligent, and a sense of humor. Whenever she’d point out a woman with any semblance to those qualities, Alexander nodded but never approached them. She thought shyness might have stopped him from engaging them in conversation.

  Now she knew the truth.

  So when Alexander revealed his feelings, she felt a tide of emotion wash over her, and she had no idea how to respond. Because he was the sweetest, most understanding man she’d ever met, Marisa felt sadness descend upon her for one simple reason: she didn’t want to break his heart.

  Whenever Marisa had broken off a relationship, she’d spent the weekend hanging out with Alexander, curled up on the couch, watching raunchy comedies, and stuffing her face with pizza and ice cream or cookies. He
never pressed her for details and always allowed her to share her feelings when she felt ready.

  She presumed that Alexander wouldn’t let his admission drift into oblivion. And since she had plenty of experience in broken relationships, Marisa feared how their friendship would evolve: first, they would pass each other in the halls at work, give awkward smiles and say a few kind words before shuffling off.

  Those uncomfortable reactions would soon give way to fabricated reasons to evade each other. Soon, they wouldn’t even attempt to avoid each other; it would come naturally. And the connection she held most dear in her life would die.

  *

  Lance Albrecht walked around an oak desk containing a stack of manila folders, a black three-tiered plastic inbox topped with various sheets of paper, and a half dozen framed photos of his family taken at different times during the past thirty years: seated on their beach house picnic table, scrambling around their front lawn playing a game of touch-football, rowing the oars of a paddle boat while on the Vista Heights Valley River, and at Disney World, flanked by Mickey and Minnie.

  As he closed the door, Alexander realized that, despite having visited Lance’s office at least once each week over the past two years, he’d avoided paying attention to the photos because of what they signified: family and happiness, both of which seemed easy for most people to have at one time or another during their lives.

  But as the years passed and his opportunity to charm Marisa into his heart became as elusive as ever, he couldn’t help but focus on a new framed photograph: Lance’s smiling 18-year-old daughter clasping a handsome young man who stared down at her with joy, excitement, and pride. Alexander looked deep into the young man’s eyes and saw one emotion that no one else could have picked out: relief. Relief that he’d found his other half, the person with whom he would share life’s turbulent ups and downs.

  Then again, judging by Lance’s age, that meant that he had his daughter in his mid-to-late forties. All things being equal, that gave Alexander another fifteen years before he should start contemplating that he’d never have a family of his own. And why was he thinking of that now anyway? More important matters should occupy his thoughts. Like his career.

  “Handsome couple, aren’t they?” Lance asked, beaming. Thin veins popped to the surface of his red cheeks. Standing over a foot taller than Alexander but with a flimsy frame that made the white dress shirt under his purple cardigan look as if it tried to sink into his chest, Lance met his employee with a firm handshake. “The wedding is 58 days away and counting.” He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. “Make yourself comfortable.” He returned to the chair behind his desk and leaned back, placing his hands behind his neck and resting his right leg on his left thigh.

  “I’d rather not.”

  “Oh?”

  “I’m afraid I’ll need to rescind my interest in the Assistant Director position.”

  “I thought you wanted to work your way up to director. What changed?”

  “It’s…personal. In fact, I’m afraid I’m here to hand in my resignation. I will, of course, give you two weeks’ notice.”

  Alarmed, Lance tried to form words but couldn’t.

  “I’m grateful for the opportunity to have worked with you. But I’ve just accepted the director position at the Vista Heights Public Library.”

  Lance’s wide-eyed expression made it obvious that he’d never considered this a possibility. “Well, congratulations. They couldn’t have found a more suitable leader. You said it’s personal. I hope everything’s okay?”

  “Um…yes?” But uncertainty clearly laced his tone. “Everything’s fine. No offense, but I feel my next step goes beyond being an Assistant Director.”

  “None taken. I would never prevent a colleague from reaching his full potential, but…”

  He waited for his boss to finish speaking, but that didn’t happen. Alexander didn’t want to reveal something he’d rather not share, so he didn’t utter a word.

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with a certain young lady on staff, does it? Forgive what may be considered inappropriate, but I’ve seen you waiting on the sidelines these past two years. I always thought there was something beyond friendship between you two.”

  Alexander tensed, straightening his shoulders. If Lance had noticed his interest in Marisa, had others also observed his preoccupation with her? It only took a second to answer that question. Since Lance spent so much time in his office and outside the building meeting with colleagues from other libraries, he surely gathered his intelligence from his Administrative Assistant, Esther Rollins, the biggest gossipmonger in the entire building.

  Just what he needed: to spend the last two weeks among staff who knew about his deepest desires. Then again, he should have been relieved that it had taken him this long to discover his colleagues knew the truth. He couldn’t imagine the discomfort that would have plagued him if he’d known all along.

  “How long have you suspected?” Alexander asked, eager to hear the truth without uncovering the minute details.

  “Oh, we’ve always known. Since your first day here.”

  Alexander sank into the chair behind him and lowered his gaze to his lap. How had he betrayed his feelings? Did he look at Marisa too long or too often? Did he buy her birthday and Christmas gifts that only someone with an aching soul would purchase? The air seeped out of his lungs the way it escaped from a car tire.

  “Are you okay?” Lance placed his hands on his desk, half rising, half sitting, unsure if he could alleviate his employee’s feelings. “I thought you knew. It was so obvious.”

  Obvious? Every tendon in Alexander’s body felt so limp that he expected to melt into a puddle on the floor. If it was so obvious and everyone knew, that meant someone at some point had to have spoken with Marisa, indicating that she had always known but chose to either ignore his feelings or simply disregard them. How could he have been so blind? And so stupid? He recalled saying those exact words to Marisa just an hour ago. Now who was the moron?

  But delving deep into his subconscious, he knew the truth. He realized that, like Marisa, he had overlooked the evidence: staff members dropping her name in a random conversation, hoping that he’d make his feelings known; employees in his own department commenting on how well he and Marisa got along; how everyone took his easy rapport with Marisa for granted by assuming that they wanted to work together on library projects.

  Hearing a keyboard tapping, Alexander looked up to find Lance working on his computer for a moment before turning back to him. “Pressing business. You know how it is. Vista Heights, huh? You have quite a bit of hard work ahead of you.”

  The trajectory Alexander’s career would soon take entered his mind, banishing all thoughts of Marisa. Starting over meant convincing employees he’d never met to believe in his vision for their workplace, which would prove difficult considering his time at Bedford Falls and the unspoken grudge that resembled a long-standing rivalry between two neighboring high school football teams, rather than community libraries.

  The rift occurred thirty years earlier when local legislatures had redrawn tax lines, separating the more affluent section of Bedford Falls from their less fortunate and more ethnically diverse neighbors by assigning the latter to a new community, which they named Vista Heights. Although Bedford Falls had only one-fifth of Vista Heights’ population, they paid four times as much in property taxes. This resulted in much higher operating revenue for the Bedford Falls Public Library. And although Vista Heights collected comparable fiscal resources from their taxpayers, they had three times as many library cardholders, which meant they couldn’t compete with Bedford Falls.

  It meant Bedford Falls had more available materials for their cardholders, which Vista Heights’ patrons soon recognized, persuading many of them to visit Bedford Falls and borrow their most in-demand items. Over the years, Vista Heights’ taxpayers had visited the Bedford Falls Public Library so often and borrowed so many materials from them that the
y came to believe that they actually paid taxes to the Bedford Falls Public Library. Now that Alexander would soon leave Bedford Falls, he would inherit that problem and have to deal with the consequences.

  Yet, he looked at this issue as an opportunity, not a disadvantage. As a library director, he would be responsible for the future direction of the Vista Heights Public Library. Just like the CEO of a company, he would work with his management team to create a vision for the future. If he could steer Vista Heights in the right direction, he could correct inefficient practices and encourage their patrons to once more visit their own library instead of frequenting Bedford Falls.

  Lance got to his feet, his knees cracking with the effort. “I hope you’re up to the challenge.”

  “You mean, I better be up to the challenge,” Alexander said. He stood up, walked over to his boss, and accepted a firm handshake.

  *

  Seeing both men shaking hands as she turned into Lance’s office, Marisa did her best to smile even though inside she felt like crying: it appeared that she’d lost the job before she even had a chance to interview for it.

  Nevertheless, if she had to lose out to anyone, she was glad that her best friend got the position and not an outsider. Not wanting to seem like a spoiled sport, even though she felt her hopes and dreams dying, she held out her hand to Alexander. “I guess congratulations are in order?”

  “It’s going to be difficult to fill those shoes,” Alexander told Lance, “but I’ll succeed.” Then he turned and met her gaze with steadfast resolve, took her hand in hers, and placed his other palm over knuckles, the connotation far from business-like and more in the vein of amorous feelings. “If I want something bad enough, I’ll do whatever it takes to get it.”

  Marisa didn’t know if it was the confidence in his voice or the certainty in his eyes, but for the first time in her life, she felt her pulse quicken and a gust of heat surge through her chest at the way he looked at her. Never before had he appeared so willful, so powerful.