One Step Away (A Bedford Falls Novel Book 1) Read online

  “Good,” Damon said in an understanding tone. “Keep going.”

  “And she’s really passionate – about everything. Sometimes it’s exhausting, but when I’m with her, I feel so alive. Colors look more vibrant. Sounds become clearer. Food tastes better. Here’s the difference between being her best friend compared to what I’d imagine being her boyfriend would be like: you know how cookies or ice cream tastes great, but you’re still hungry after eating it? That’s exactly how it feels with her. I feel amazing when I’m with her, but afterwards, I’m hungry for more.”

  “She sounds great. But I’ve got to say, you both seem pretty different.”

  “But opposites attract, right? Besides, we have the same sense of humor. We’re both intense. It’s so easy to talk to her. I feel like I can be myself with her.”

  “Except when she drags you out on the dance floor.”

  “Okay, but how many white guys like to dance?”

  “Good point. But I still get the feeling that you sacrifice how you feel just to make her happy. We’ll come back to that at another time. Right now, I want to know why you told her that you loved her.”

  “It’s how I feel. I wanted her to—”

  “What? See you differently? Sorry, not going to happen. Not after two years. Not before laying some serious groundwork.” He took a swig from the bottle. “Why subject yourself to—”

  “Because she made me love her by—just being herself. And now I can’t stop.” The hostility that had consumed him since this afternoon came to the surface. “That’s where I am right now. And you’re attacking me. I thought you were going to help me. How about some compassion?”

  Damon glanced down at his chest. “Phew,” he said, sighing with relief. “Thought you were saying I was developing some knockers.”

  “What the hell, man?”

  “It’s about goddamn time you got angry.” Damon’s agitated expression relaxed. “See, I think you’ve forgotten who you are. Your dad worked two jobs for much of his life, so your mom disciplined you and most often taught you right from wrong. Your first job is working at a library and you’ve worked in two libraries all your life, outside of this new gig coming up. Since you’ve stayed in that career, every boss you’ve had, with the exception of your current supervisor, was a woman. It makes sense why you’re attracted to female authority figures. I get it. But it has seriously fucked with your mind.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Everything. It affects how you view the world. How you act. How you live. And especially how you think. The problem is that you haven’t had any long-term relationships. If you had, you might not be dealing with all this shit coming down on you like the perfect storm. Otherwise, you’d have an idea what you were up against.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Those women you work with stole your masculinity. You’re the only one who doesn’t know it. And that’s what makes this so sad.”

  Alexander didn’t know what his friend was getting at, but something about the certainty with which he spoke made him take notice. He didn’t want to argue. He just wanted to find out what Damon might say next.

  “Does this sound familiar: those women at work tell you what qualities they want in a man, and you listen carefully so you won’t make the same mistakes. And I can’t blame you, because why wouldn’t you trust them? They know what they want, except when they don’t mean what they say. And that’s why you’re so confused. Because you don’t know when they don’t mean it. And they won’t tell you that while at work because they can’t. It would be inappropriate.

  “The bottom line is that what they say they want and what they actually want are two different things. And you can’t tell the difference. I just never thought it’d take you this long to figure it out. But I’m glad it happened. You needed this wake- up call. I just hoped you hadn’t told your best friend that you loved her before you got to this stage.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your balls, dude. You gave them to Marisa the day you met her, and she finally gave them back to you this afternoon. And now that you have them again, you don’t know what to do with them.”

  Perplexed, Alexander just shook his head, trying to grasp a thought. But he was unable to pick one that made any sense.

  “You’re losing me, man. You gotta give me something tangible. Like, what can I actually do to fix this?”

  Looking excited, Damon put his palms together with his fingertips brushing against his lips. “Remember when I visited your library a couple weeks ago to get that book Sex on the Brain?” Seeing Alexander nod, he continued, “I overheard you helping some man, and what I heard made me feel bad for you. It was your high-pitched tone of voice, like you were bending over backwards to help this guy.”

  “I’m in public service. That’s what we do. I want to show people they can approach me.”

  “But he already approached you. It’s one thing if you approach a little boy or girl with that voice, so they know you’re not creepy or anything, but an adult? Not necessary.”

  Alexander didn’t accept the criticism. “All day, I have people approaching female staff members because they don’t think I’m an employee since I’m a guy, or they don’t feel comfortable asking me, like I wouldn’t know as much as a woman. It pisses me off.”

  “And how is that your problem? Don’t make this about other people. We’re talking about you. Your voice? You sound like a wimp.”

  “But it’s necessary to—”

  “Hey, I’m not here to argue with you. I told you I’d help you try to get this girl. But by using that voice, you’re giving others reasons to treat you like you don’t belong. Your insecurities manifest the view of yourself that you don’t want to project. Which makes you project it anyway.

  “But getting out of the friend zone? It’s like Superman weighted down with kryptonite. It won’t kill you, but it takes away all of your power. And telling her that you love her while you’re in the friend zone? It’s like Lex Luthor forced Superman to swallow the kryptonite. It will burn up his insides and prevent him from acting normal. Right now, you’re Superman, and Marisa is Lex Luthor. But lucky for you, she gave you the kryptonite – your balls – back to you. Now you’ve got to mix the green kryptonite, the kind that hurts Superman, with the red kryptonite, the kind that takes away his inhibitions, without losing your morals.”

  Alexander understood the analogy, but he had no idea how it applied to him. But considering his friend’s amazing talent for understanding women, he snapped his mouth shut to find out where Damon would take his message.

  “Lower your voice. Deepen it. Women aren’t attracted to guys who are always trying to please them.”

  “But it shows that I’m approachable.”

  “It shows that you’re trying to please them. If you want a woman to find you attractive, you show that you’re worth being attracted to. By using that pleasing-type voice, you’re basically asking her to like you. It’s like begging. It’s not attractive. Knock it off.” He took a sip of beer.

  Alexander had never given it much thought because speaking that way simply had become second nature to him. He ordered a bottle of Miller Lite from the female bartender, who nodded, but cast another glance at Damon, who didn’t even look her way.

  “Practice using a deeper tone, something that feels comfortable, something you can use all the time. Got it? Next, I watched you walk in here. I wasn’t impressed. But I should have been.” Damon stood tall and threw back his shoulders. “Lead with your shoulders. And take it slow. When I walk into a room, I get all Samuel L. Jackson with my strut: ‘I own this mother-fucker and every person in it. I can get whatever I want, whenever I want it.’ So, I don’t care how you do it, but do what it takes to get that attitude. You do that and Marisa will notice. I guarantee it.”

  Alexander looked pessimistic. “Won’t I come off as an asshole?”

  “Hell, no. It shows all the right t
hings to a woman: ‘I’m confident. I’m strong. You won’t be able to find anyone better than me.’ And let’s get to the complete opposite of that attitude – yours. One reason Marisa isn’t attracted to you is because you do whatever she says. If she wants to go to the movie theater, and you pick one movie, but she suggests another, you go see that one. Doesn’t matter what you want; you see her movie instead. It’s not her fault. It’s yours. Not attractive.”

  Laughing, Alexander couldn’t believe such an outrageous statement. “It’s called compromise. Humans do that on Earth – even on Krypton.”

  “Right, but you compromise too much. You bend over backwards to please her. What does that tell her? That she can stomp all over you. And you won’t care. Since you’re best friends, I’m sure she doesn’t treat you that way. And from what you’ve said, she doesn’t take advantage of you in any way. Which, I’ve got to say, kudos to her. She must really care for you. But I guarantee that she doesn’t want you to cave in so much. It shows you have no back bone. Not attractive.”

  Alexander hadn’t thought of it that way. Put in that context, he realized he did compromise way too often. Only now that Damon had pointed out how Marisa might view him when he acted this way, did he feel like a tool. “Okay.”

  “Same goes for always being there for her. If you’re always there, how is she going to miss you? You’ve heard the phrase, ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder’? There’s truth in that statement. Remember it.” Noticing their bartender approaching them with a smile, now that she caught Damon’s eye, he said to Alexander, “Take note,” then turned to her and said in a teasing voice, “Where’ve you been? It took you like five minutes to get that beer. You stop off at the bathroom? Maybe powder your nose while you were at it?”

  She placed the beer in front of Alexander without even glancing his way. “It didn’t take five minutes.” She leveled Damon with a wistful look. “And why would I go powder my nose?”

  “Isn’t that what women do when they want to impress a man?”

  She checked out the room, dejected. “There aren’t any men I want to impress.” She settled her gaze on Damon with a twinkle in her eye. “Have you seen any?”

  “Why would I be looking?”

  Another customer called her, making her twist her lips in frustration. “Duty calls.” She grinned and attended to her new customers.

  Alexander didn’t know what happened there, but he could feel the chemistry between them. And it seemed so effortless on Damon’s part.

  Damon turned to him. “I’ve watched you approach women. You’ve never tried witty banter like that, have you?”

  Feeling a little embarrassed, Alexander decided not to admit that he’d written Marisa a poem last night that he’d folded up and stored in his front pocket. At first, he thought he’d give it to her so that she might understand the depth of his feelings for her, but now he began to second-guess himself, thinking that it might do more harm than good.

  There was no way he could chat up a woman like the way Damon had just done. “I’m not as quick-thinking as you.”

  Incredulous, his friend gave him an annoyed look. “What? You’re quicker and way wittier than I’ll ever be. You could score with so many women—if you only had more confidence.”

  Alexander had to admit that, when it came to women, he didn’t have the highest self-esteem. The women he found attractive were never attracted to him. And the ones that did like him, he didn’t want to kiss. For him, besides intelligence, a sense of humor, and kindness, it always came down this factor. It didn’t matter if the women were thin or plump, short or tall. He’d only kissed half a dozen women in his life, and only once did he experience a kiss so thrilling that it rivaled the intimacy of having sex, something he’d only done a few times – and only once with each partner.

  “So when Marisa said you need more confidence, she wasn’t really talking about the confidence needed to get a promotion. She’s talking about the way you handle yourself with women. Look at James Bond, the Daniel Craig version. That’s someone to emulate. That dude is too fucking cool. He walks into a room, and everyone looks his way – even dudes. If he checks out a woman, he’s admiring what he sees. If she doesn’t like it? Too bad. He doesn’t care. He’ll move on without a second thought. That’s the confidence Marisa’s talking about. And count yourself lucky that she told you so.”

  “Why?”

  “Why else? She’s your best friend. Deep down, she loves you. Remember, affection not attraction. But she cares. She wants you to fall in love. And deep down, she wouldn’t have told you if she didn’t secretly want you to herself. Even if she doesn’t know it.”

  Alexander hadn’t considered that possibility. It made his heart leap. However, he didn’t know if he could trust Damon: did he only say that as a motivational tool or did he really believe it?

  “Back to that conversation with you-know-who at the other end of the bar.” But Damon didn’t look her way. “I didn’t try to make her like me. I implied that she was attracted to me, and I made it fun for her. That’s why she keeps looking my way. And that’s why I’ll sometimes annoy her by not looking back.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Everyone wants what they can’t have. By not giving her my attention all the time, I’m telling her that I don’t care if she likes me or not – like James Bond. There’s tension there. She’s thinking, does he like me? If he doesn’t, why not?’ And that makes her think about me even more. If I look at her and smile all day long, what will that do? It kills the attraction I’m building between us.”

  “But you’re manipulating her.”

  Damon’s eyes widened in mock disbelief. “Did it look like I was manipulating her? She was having a good time. If you want someone, you have to risk losing her. If she doesn’t care enough, then you’re better off without her. Move on.”

  “That’s pretty cold.”

  “It’s life. And we know how fair that is. Think of it as a game of percentages. Take Derek Jeter. He hits .300 or better each year. What does that mean? He reaches base safely three out of every ten times at the plate. In school, 30 percent is a failing grade. But in the dating world, I’ll take those odds any day. Reality isn’t always pretty. But we all have to live there.

  “If you do everything I say you’ll have a chance. Not a good chance. But you’ll have an opening because you’re best friends with her. It shows she feels affection for you. Just not attraction. Two separate worlds like Earth, where you’re just a friend, and Krypton, where you have power – attraction. You have to visit Krypton.”

  “Fine. But let’s quit with the Superman analogies, okay?”

  “Done. I don’t envy you – getting your heart ripped out. It was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever lived through. That how it feels for you?”

  Alexander didn’t want to admit the truth out loud, which would equate to admitting defeat.

  “Imagine spending years of loving each other, only to have her rip your heart out. It’s way worse.”

  It lent the impression that Damon had never given up hope on revisiting love at some point in his life. It startled Alexander because his friend hadn’t mentioned the relationship that crushed him in over a decade, and he figured that having persuaded dozens of women into his bedroom would have annihilated the eternal hope of rediscovering the love he once felt for another human being.

  At that moment, movement caught his attention from the corner of Alexander’s eye: Marisa had just entered the bar with her on-again, off-again boyfriend named, Brad.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  After the debacle with Alexander and the disappointing incident at her parent’s home, Marisa wanted to get her mind off the negativity surrounding her relationships and celebrate her promotion. She called Brad and suggested they go out dancing. Since he only acted like an adult while at work, she had only recently given up hope that he would become more mature and seek a long-term relationship.

  Marisa didn’t attempt to change
his principles and accepted him for his better qualities: just enough intellectuality to keep things interesting (despite sometimes lacking common sense), a fun-loving, easy-going nature, a spontaneous streak that she found intoxicating, and an amazing body.

  “Marisa,” a female voice called out.

  Hearing her best friend since middle school, Lauren Zarsky, in the vicinity, she turned around, only to get enveloped in a reticent hug, which mirrored Lauren’s approach to life: conservative and jaded but extremely loyal.

  “Glad you came,” she said, her impenetrable expression betraying her words. The familiar scent of ginger drifted from her body as she broke their embrace. “Denny couldn’t come,” she said, shrugging. “You’re stuck with me.”

  Although Lauren maintained a dour outlook on life, she never caught a cold or contracted an illness or disease, while her boyfriend balanced that with unbreakable optimism but always seemed to get catch a cold every season and suffered through so many health afflictions that his doctor could grow rich just from tending to his numerous maladies.

  “How’s he feeling after the injury?” Marisa asked.

  “It’s just an ankle sprain. But knowing Denny, he’ll turn it into a broken ankle before long. It’s why I never liked football. Brutal and pointless.”

  “I just saw someone,” Brad said from behind Marisa. He grasped her shoulders and pecked her on the cheek. “I’m going to see what’s up.” He headed off into the crowd.

  “Brad’s looking good,” Lauren said, watching him walk away. “If I were single, I’d steal those candles from your mother’s home and give him a night he’d never forget.”